


My Home

by LivingforTae



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America and Canada are bros, Countries Using Human Names, England is an asshole here sorry, Everyone Needs A Hug, I'm shit at writing istg, I've never written a fic before bear with me, Implied/Referenced Alchoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's Matthew's POV, M/M, Not completed, Slow Build, but here i am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingforTae/pseuds/LivingforTae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew is young boy with a broken family and no hope to keep going, until one day he meets a strange man who'll turn his life around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is like.. my first fanfic ever. It's not finished and idk if it ever will but i'm just gonna put it here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

"You're so selfish Arthur! You think everything is about you, well guess what it's not! You think you can just leave whenever you want and come back drunk and wasted? You have a fucking family to take care of so get yourself together and be a father for once!"

"Oh I'm selfish?! I work day and night so you and your kids won't stay in the street! That's how being a father is Francis!"

"You think I don't see it? You walk in drunk your ass off and drop dead by the bed for two days, I even smelt Cologne different than yours the other day! Oh you surely work alright!"

"Your whining is what's making me do this every fucking night! I fucking hate this place!"

A door getting closed loudly echoed through the house.

Matthew sat quietly on his bed, hugging his teddy bear _Kuma_ tightly. 'Why do they insist on doing this every night?' He thought sadly as he nuzzled his head in the toy's back.

The door opened up revealing his father, Francis. "Mathieu, why aren't you asleep?" He went and sat next to his son, running his hand through the blond locks.

"How can I do so when you're shouting so loud?" He said but the toy muffed his voice, that didn't last as he looked up to his father. "Papa, Why do you go through with it every single night?"

"Oh Mathieu, however me and you father fight he's still your father. I can not break this family just because me and Arthur.. Don't get along anymore." Francis said tiredly, denial clear in his voice. He knew his fights with his husband broken the boys, but he just didn't know what to do.

Matthew shook his head is disappointment as he woke up from bed. "I'm going to take a walk, I won't be late." He stood up from the bed leaving his father alone on the bed. He left hearing a soft sight from him. Walking outside he shoved his hands inside his red hoodie's pocket, stealing the warmth against the cold chill.

The blond's slow steps echoes against the silent night, suddenly finding himself in a park, walking ahead he sat on a the iron jungle thing, and let out a loud sigh as he stared at the starless sky, 'perks of living in the city.' He thought.

"What saddens you, little birdie?"

A loud gasp broke from the blond as a random voice surprised him, he turned around to find an albino man in his teens, or he looked his age at least. he was hanging upside down

"I-I didn't see you there, thought I was alone!" The blond exclaimed, holding his hand against his loud beating heart.

The silver haired boy Unhanged himself and fixed his posture. "Ah, sorry little one. You looked really sad, I thought I'd ask you." The albino said with a smirk, his accent was gruff and loud like he wasn't from here. 'European maybe?' He thought, 'perhaps from Germany, I've only heard an accent like that once.'

"Thank you for your concern, but I'd like to be alone please." He told him sadly.

"Let me guess, relationship problem?"

"No."

"Family problem?"

"Well.. this really isn't of your concern, sir!" He huffed in annoyance. "I don't even know you, I don't have to tell you anything." The albino seemed to have a smirk as his natural expression which really irked Matthew. The stranger left his arms in defence, chuckling slightly.

"Can't blame a man for trying, can't you? It's cool, we're two random distressed souls seeking comfort in this dark night. I can't say we're any different." he looked away with a distant look on his face, shoving his hands in his gray sweatshirt. "I say, speaking your feelings out is the best policy."

"Don't you mean, Honesty is the best policy?" Matthew corrected.

"Eh, whatever, It's same thing." He dismissed. Matthew found himself chuckling for the first time this night.

"I'm Matthew, Matthew Williams-Kirkland, though the Kirkland will probably be gone soon for all I know." He introduced himself, ending it with a sigh. The sliver haired man only nodded.

"An honor to meet you, birdie." He bowed down all princely like, earning a chuckle from the blond. "Aren't you a gentleman.." he muttered. The other chuckled as well.

"Why thank you, Mr. Williams.. Kirkland." His red eyes glinted against the distant light of the street lamps.

"Just use Williams, the other is too tall.. hey, why do you call me birdie?" The blond questioned, he only received a shrug.

"You remind me of my bird, Gilbird. Yellow haired and cute." The albino grinned. Matthew blushed and decided to brush away the compliment. "Wait. I remind you of a bird? And why Gilberd of all names?" he left his eyebrows up. "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or not."

"What can I say, I think of myself greatly, why not name it close after an awesome person as I?" The seemingly German said cockily, a sly smirk on his face. "And no, you should be flattered, Gilbird is actually the cutest thing ever! And I don't use cute much."

Matthew didn't really understand why he was talking to a stranger at 2am in a park, and about his bird of all subjects, for all he knew he was an axe murder!

"Ouch Matty, I know that being an Albino makes me look weird, but calling me an axe murderer is just mean!" He crossed his arms and huffed childishly like, a pout on his lips.

"I'm really sorry! I didn't mean that.. I must've been thinking out loud." He bashfully scratched his neck. Why did he even care about his feelings?

The pale teen's phone started to ring and a pained expression was all over his face as he saw the caller ID, but was quickly gone back to his former smirk, it seemed really fake that moment.

"Well, that's it for the night. Shall I see you again, birdie?"

"I- I suppose, who knows?" He really wanted to see him again for some reason, but asking for a number was probably too forward, for all he knew he probably didn't want to give it to him.

He was deep in thought as he watched the silver mob of hair walk away.

"W-wait!" Matthew called, and the man turned around to him. "What's your name?"

"It's Gilbert, sir Matthew." He bowed again and gave his seemingly traditional grin, Gilbert winked and left on his merry way.

When Matthew came home, he walked in to find His father, Francis snoozing by the sofa with a book on his lap.. It seemed like he was waiting for him. Feeling guilty he took a blanket from the closet and covered him with it. "Bon nuit, papa." He kissed him on the forehead, and went to his room.

Before Matthew fell asleep, the last thing he saw was that sliver mob of hair and intriguing red eyes.

_____________________________________________________________

"Matthieu,"

A gentle voice awoken him from slumber, he yawned as he stretched and greeted whoever woke him up, which was his father. "Bonjour, papa."

"Bonjour, Petit lapin.. what time did you come home last night?" Francis questioned his son, it wasn't usual for Matthew to stay out late like that.

"I'm not really sure.. Pardon, I went for a walk and forgot about the time." He shrugged, actually feeling sorry for making him stay up. Francis just nodded and ruffled his hair and stood up, "I made pancakes, just for you, come on." He smiled as stood by the door. "Wash up and join us."

After he took a shower and brushed his teeth, he went to the kitchen and found Alfred by the table on his phone and eating breakfast. "Yo Mattie, morning!" Alfred greeted with food in his mouth, Matthew grimced in disgust. "Can you just swallow first?"

"I sure can." Alfred winked and Matthew gasped when he actually understood his joke, punching him on his arms lightly. "You're gross Al!" Alfred just laughed and finished his food. Francis put slices of fresh made pancakes on Matthews place, he grinned as he drizzled them with Mable syrup and enjoyed his sweet desert.

Francis smiled at his boys and put some slices for himself. "Where's dad?" Alfred questioned. Francis frowned slightly and sighed, "I wish I knew, he walked out last night and didn't come home yet."

Alfred scowled, "Fucking dick.." he muttered in annoyance, still clicking on his phone. "Don't mind him, papa. He'll come back crawling to ask you for forgiveness like every damn time." It's not like he was apologising for his dad's action, but it was his only way of keeping the family together.

Matthew looked at his father's broken expression, He wasn't sure how much he'll bare Arthur's carelessness and disloyalty. he knew he was done already and it was just a matter of when to act about it. He never really understood when his father and Arthur had fallen out of love, when they first met they were the most lovey dovey couple you could ever meet, he thought that Arthur was the answer to all his problems after his mother's death. He was wrong after all.

"Papa?" Matthew called, Francis hummed in recognition. "Are you and Arthur.. going to separate anytime soon?" The blond's voice was small and worried. Alfred and Francis looked at him in shock.

Alfred laughed nervously, breaking the silence. "w-what are you talking about Matty? .. that's not gonna happen, right?" His fear was clear through his voice, and Alfred looked like his former 9 year old self when his mother said she's going to leave them. Francis just looked sadly, confirming Alfred's fear.

"I don't even know anymore , I can't.. This was not the man I married, I don't know what to do.." the boys didn't see their father so sad or broken, he always had a smile on his face and his flirty self never failed to make them laugh, Francis was generally a relaxed man, but this look is what made them sure that Francis is truly effected, and they completely hated it.

"The possibility is not too far away, seeing how things are between us.. we might.." Alfred didn't really like where Francis was going, he dropped his fork. "I just have no luck at all with families don't I?" He stood up in hurry, his hurt obvious on his face. Francis called out to him, but no avail since he'd left already. "It's not like it's my fault.. why do I have to pay for it?" Francis said sadly as he sat on Alfred's chair, his head in his hands.

Matthew didn't know how to handle the situation, It was too much. He just sat down next to his father and hugged him tightly. "Papa, no matter what happens, you'll always have me. Alfred too, he's just shocked at the moment.." he ran his hand through his father's long blond locks like he'd do with him when he's sad. "nothing will separate us, not even Arthur. and if he didn't realise that, It's his fault."

Francis smiled genuinely, excepting his son's hug. He kept silent as Matthew spoke his promise.

_'I really hope so too, my dear boy.'_

___________________________________________________________________

"Welcome back, Matty. Knew you'd come back." Gilbert voiced his knowledge of Matthew's arrival, the latter rolled his eyes.

"Haha, I go to the park a lot. It's not like I come here because of you."

"I go to the park a lot too, I've never seen you before until the last time you came here." His smirk was still there, as ways. "Admit it, you missed my awesomeness, didn't ya?"

"Yeah right. How are you anyway?" He didn't really admit it to him, but he did miss him somehow.

"Still awesome as always, what about you? You're still sad." He pointed on his frown. "Still with your family problems?"

"Well.." to hell with it, he really wanted to talk to someone. "Yeah, my step dad is an alcoholic and definitely cheated on dad once, my parents are probably getting a divorce soon, my brother hates it all and leaves home a lot. My family is breaking apart.." a tear found it's way on Matthew's cheek.

Gilbert sighed sadly at Matthew, ruffling his hair bashfully. "This sucks.." he noticed the tear. "Hey.. you don't need to cry yeah? There's always a light at the end of the tunnel."

"I know I shouldn't." He tried to rub his eyes, "I should be strong for dad but.. but I feel helpless about it, I don't know what to do.." Matthew sat on the swing chair, Gilbert occupying him on the other.

The Albino stayed silent, not uttering a single word and looked deep in thought. 'Did I talk too much and made him uncomfortable? Damn it.' Matthew thought worriedly.

"Gilbert? Are you okay?" Matthew asked in worry. Gilbert just shook his head and seemed to come back from him haze.

"Ja, of course Matty! .. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About what you said. I kind of understand where it's coming from.." he had that expression like the last time when he saw that phone call, but it was quickly gone again. "Well, that was the most depressing I've ever been! It's not good for our health birdie." He laughed his obnoxious laugh again, Matthew was somewhat glad he did that, the mood was depressing enough.

"Gilbert."

"Ja?"

"You never told me about yourself."

"Huh.. well even I'm like.. really awesome, but my life isn't. It's too boring to tell." Gilbert shrugged.

"I would like to know, I'm sure It's different from mine." Matthew pushed, If the albino really didn't want to tell, he'll stop.

"Well, I came from Germany about.. 4 years ago since my mom.. died. Then it was just me, my dad, and my younger brother Ludwig. Vati thought It'll be a good change in scenery, so we agreed and came here, forgetting about our past life back there, fresh start and all. I started highschool, and bruder was at middle school. Everything turned out awesome!"

"Oh," he frowned, "sorry about Your mother. If it makes you feel better, mine is dead too."

Gilbert smiled and shook his head, "how could that make me happy, Matty? Now I'm even sadder! I'm sorry about yours."

Matthew nodded, "Sorry, didn't consider it like that."

The German waved his hand dismissively, "Ja, Ja. That's enough for now, let's talk about happier things!" He grinned.

"Happier things? What could possibly make me feel happy at the moment.." Matthew sighed sadly. A pale hand laid on his shoulder.

"Oh you know.. things." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Since you apparently never had ones before, we can always make new ones. What do you say?"

"Make new ones.. alright. How do you want to do those?"

The German shrugged, taking a flask out of his jacket's inner pocket, taking a sip from it. "You want some?"

"N-no, I'm still underage you know!"

"Underage? How old are you?"

"17, 18 in two months."

"Wow, not so cool Matty! I thought you were older! I'm 20." The German exclaimed, crossing his arms.

"Oh. well, I'm not questioning that, you do look 20. Hmm.. do you go to college?" Matthew asked curiously, he never actually asked him where he studies since he never guessed his age.

"Nope, collage is lame." The albino shrugged.

Matthew nodded, listening to what Gilbert is saying. "How come you didn't want to go to one? Lame isn't really a reason you know."

"I'm not one for studying. I managed in school but that was it for me. Even though I always wanted to major in photography, but that's not happening anytime soon." He bashfully scratched his neck. "My bro in the other hand is really smart, he even got a scholarship for Medical school!" He spoke proudly, "so I work instead to help him live by."

He quit collage just to help his brother? That was quite the sacrifice from his side. He doubted he'll do such thing to Alfred, or Alfred doing it for him. He never understood this brother complex some people have. "This is amazing. But.. you should really should consider your brother will get his own life eventually and you'll realise too late that you haven't paid attention to yourself."

Gilbert smiled sadly and nodded. "Ja, maybe.." he shook his head and looked up. "Maybe one day, I'll be able to leave everything behind and just.. disappear"

Matthew looked sadly at Gilbert and frowned, 'I wonder what he's going through to say that.' He thought, "I would love that too.."

The German looked down at Matthew and smiled faintly.

The Canadian gasped when he looked at the time. "Dad will be worried sick about me, I have to go home."  
  
Gilbert nodded, "will I see you again, little Matty?" He smirked, knowing the nickname will annoy him."

"Maybe, say.. how about we exchange numbers?" Matthew internally praised himself for not stuttering. He got a nod from the other.

"Why not?" He took Matthew's phone, tapping his number inside. Matthew did the same to his.

When he went home, he smiled at the text that brightened his mood and fell asleep.

 **The awesome Gilbert** : _gut nacht birdie. sleep well. :)_  
2:45am

 **Matthew** _: good night_.

2:46am

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *puts second chapter one and half months later shamelessly* sorry honestly I didn't even think I'll write it damn.
> 
> Warning: there's some implied cutting and mentions of depression and suicide nd idk how other people will feel about that. If anything was offending or anything please correct me in the comments!
> 
> Plus this chapter is more about America and Canada's being bros than anything else.

If there's anything Matthew loved about summer that year, it was his late nights with Gilbert. It felt like he was in a bubble, separated from the world.. From his thoughts, even for a slightly bit. He had the friend he always wanted in him.

Most nights he'd leave his house to the park near his house, finding the albino with his ever annoying smirk waving at him. With a smile he'd approach him and say hello back, preparing for whatever interesting thoughts he'd receive that night.  
  
"What if, one day, this town gets attacked by a hoard of robotic zombies?" Gilbert mused, staring ahead at the dark park illuminated by the street lights. Matthew only laughed.

"And here I was bracing myself for another philosophical thought of yours, I can't say I'm surprised. But.. robotic zombies? Is that even a thing?" He asked humorously, the albino simply pouted back.

"They are a thing! They're robots with broken circuits, just like human ones." Gilbert argued, clearly offended by Matthew. "You still didn't answer me."

"Alright, Alright. I would.. I'm not sure actually. Maybe finding a proper hideout, prepare water to attack them with since they corrode and get electrified with it?" He shrugged. "I have no clue, what would you do?"

He hummed, clearly in thought. Suddenly a mischievous expression printed on his face. "I would definitely keep you hidden, after all an awesome person like me must protect the weak!"

"Hey!" He slapped Gilbert on his shoulder. "I'm not weak!"

Gilbert only hummed, teasing the younger boy.

Matthew frowned in annoyance at Gilbert's disbelieve. "You don't believe a guy like me could be actually strong, don't you?"

"Well.." Gilbert looked hesitant, "you look too cute for that, Matty."

Matthew blushed slightly, he was technically insulting his muscularity, why did he blush? "I'm not! And I'll prove it." Matthew challenged, "stand up."

"What? Why?" Gilbert looked at Matthew in confusion.

"Just stand up!"

"Alright, Alright!" Gilbert stood up and suddenly he was picked up in the air by two strong arms. A surprised gasp broke out of him as he stared at smirking blond.

"Not so weak now, eh?" Matthew looked at him smugly, and his grasp on Gilbert was tight. The albino chuckled and bit his lip.

"I guess I was mistaken, then."

"Yes you were.."

Red eyes stared at violet ones intensely, as if they were staring through his soul. Matthew felt mesmerized and at the same time, quite intimidated. It didn't really stop him from staring, his cheeks coloring slightly pink.

"Is there something wrong, birdie? You look quite red in the face." Gilbert broke the silence with his sly smirk.

The blond's cheeks got even darker as he let Gilbert down, feeling embarrassed for getting caught like that. "W-well, you were looking at me too!"

"I didn't know staring could make people blush, surely a new discovery." The German went back to the swing and Matthew joined him.

"Matthew."

"Yes?"

"Had anyone told you before that you have the most gorgeous eyes?"

If Matthew was drinking anything that moment he probably would've choked. Gilbert usually teased him but he never declared such outrageous comment.

"N-not really." Matthew stuttered slightly, he hated stuttering. He let out a nervous chuckle. "I don't think anyone stared into my eyes as deep as you did."

"Well, that's a loss. They're like amethysts. I don't think I've even seen such color."

Matthew didn't respond and felt slightly embarrassed, but a part of him was actually enjoying the compliments. The two shared a moment of silence, Matthew collecting his thoughts and Gilbert was looking away from him.

"I'm sorry." Gilbert spoke, his voice unusually quiet. "I made you uncomfortable, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't!" The blond cried, he quickly calmed down. "I mean.. No one ever told me that. I was only surprised, that's all."

Gilbert only nodded, his pale lips were in a thin line.

'He's awfully quiet, I hate this.' The Canadian thought sadly. 'I should fix it.'

"You too, you know."

"What?" Gilbert looked at him in confusion.

"Your eyes, they're beautiful too. They're never one color, sometimes they look red and sometimes they're purple." He smiled, "It's nice.. Against your pale skin.. Yeah." Matthew mumbled awkwardly. Not that he was lying, It was all true.

Gilbert looked at him with a poker face, the expression remained for a while that Matthew squirmed internally. He suddenly started laughing, an honest to god, genuine laugh.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone more awkward than you, Matty! You're even worse than Ludwig!" Gilbert's eye had a small wrinkle from laughing, he tried to regain his breath as the laugh quieted down.

Matthew felt completely embarrassed and angry at the albino. he had many different reactions in his head but laughing definitely wasn't included. "Seriously?! I thought we were having a serious moment here!"

Gilbert winced in pain as he received a punch on the shoulder from the blond next to him. He watched him huff and cross his arms in what seemed a childish way. "Sorry, I just had to say it."

"I shouldn't have hoped for much. especially from you, Gilbert."

What seemed to be told in a harmless way made Gilbert's face change, a frown adorned his face. 'Did I say something wrong? What happened?' Matthew frowned as well, his confusion clear on his face. "Are you okay?"

Gilbert sighed faintly and nodded, a smile returning to his face. But Matthew can sense it's somewhat fake. "it's nothing, don't worry. I just remembered this very annoying, not so awesome thing that I had to do. Now remove that sad face, it's making me anxious."

"Oh, uh.. Sorry." Matthew chucked nervously, still unsure of what to do next.

Gilbert received a text from his phone and grimced as he looked at it, in hurry he stood up. "I.. Have to go home. I'll see you soon, Ja?" He looked down at Matthew who was still sitting on the swing and rocked it slowly.

"Why so soon?!" Matthew quickly stood up and grabbed the hem of the already walking away Gilbert's jacket. The blond soon realized what he did and blushed at his action, quickly releasing the cloth. "Uh.. Let me rephrase that. I mean, y-you usually go much later than now. Why early today?" He looked down shyly, too flustered to look up.

Gilbert had a longing stare and looked away as well. "My brother is waiting for me, I have to."

"But he's in highschool now, isn't he? I'm sure he can take care of himself!" Matthew didn't realise why he sounded so clingy, but a part of him wanted Gilbert to stay.

"I have my fucking reasons okay?!" Gilbert snapped, his face held a foreign emotion that Matthew never saw. "Now goodbye."

Matthew looked sadly at Gilbert's back, who was leaving the park in a quick rush.

"What.. Did I do?" The question laid into the quiet air, no one really answering him. "I should go home too.."

_____________________________________________

Matthew couldn't sleep that night. His thoughts were muddled up and in utter confusion.

'Why was he so mad? Was I too clingy? Did I fuck this up?' Questions jumped around in his head but he lacked the answers of. He looked at his phone and stared at the screen, a picture of him and Gilbert was set as it's background. They had taken it once as a joke and he never deleted it, their playful expression reminded him of happier days, of times he actually smiled.

He didn't understand why he cared about him like that, was it because he's his only friend? No, he wouldn't care about a friend like that. What was the reason? Why did he cling to his sleeve like some highschool girl from the Mangas he'd read before? And most importantly why was he so in rush and tensed like that? It wasn't his place to know, but he couldn't help but get curious.

"Matt?" Alfred's voice interrupted his thoughts, quietly knocking on the door. "Are you up?"

"Yeah."

Alfred walked in and closed the door quietly, then throwing himself on the bed next to Matthew. "Hey."

"Hello." Matthew sighed. "Is there anything you need?"

Alfred looked oddly at Matthew, Both of them always go to each others room when they feel particularly sad or in need of advice from the other. Although it was always Alfred ending up in Matthew's room because he was the 'wisest' brother or so to say. But seeing Matthew this sad and confused was a rare scene since it was always Alfred.

"You okay there?" Alfred asked his older brother, his concern obvious in his tone. "You're never this polite, man."

"Yeah yeah.." Matthew rubbed his face and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, It's just so many things in my mind."

"Me too.." Alfred looked away sadly.

"Hey Matt..?" Alfred croaked after a long pause of silence.

"Yes?"

"Do you think dad will leave anytime soon?"

Matthew looked at Alfred sadly. "I think it's more that papa will do, he can only take so much. Life's been hard on him."

"But what about us! What will happen to us? I mean, We're still minors. If both of them end up getting a divorce.. They'll separate us for sure." Alfred looked utterly miserable. Matthew was only thinking about himself and completely forgot about Alfred, it seemed that the situation was taking it's toll on him and Matthew hated himself for it.

"Well, if they do get a divorce, I'm 18 soon, They can't really force me to choose. And.. I'm leaving home anyway."

"What? Where are you going?"

"College, where would I else go? Both of them can do whatever they want, I'm out." Matthew said with a dead set tone, his expression hard.

Alfred seemed to be deep in thought, like he was considering something. That look vanished and was replaced with an excited expression.

"Then take me with you! You're legal soon and you can take the custody of me so I can stay with you! We'll get an apartment together, you can go to your courses and I'll go to school! And we'll both get jobs to live by. We can do it Matt!"

Matthew bit his lip nervously, shaking his head vigorously. "You know I can't do this Al. I won't get to have you since our parents are still available and I don't even have a stable income to take care of you! You're still 14 Alfred, you're too young to even have go work." He looked down sadly. "I'm sorry. We need to find another solution."

The younger blond took a harsh breath in anger and knocked the pillow next to him away furiously. "Fuck this! Why must this happen to me!" He started throwing pillows and cursing in anger all around the room, tears were wetting his cheeks. "I don't want this!"

"Alfred!" Matthew took his thrashing younger brother in his hold, hugging him tightly to calm him down. "Nobody wants this! I know you've been through enough, alright? That's why you have to be strong! I have too, that's why we have each other okay?"

Alfred ended up sobbing on Matthew's shirt, wetting it with tears. "I hate this. I really love dad and all, but he's fucking this up and I don't know how to stop it."

"Baby steps, Alfred. I know addiction isn't as easy. Believe it or not, I almost fallen to my depression years ago. I don't think it varies into the same category, but it ends up the same in the end.."

Alfred looked up to Matthew in surprise, wiping his face with his sleeve. "W-what? What happened?"

"I didn't take mom's death too well, I guess. Papa was mourning as well and we kinda drifted apart then. I didn't know what to do and one day, I was lonely, sad, and suicidal. So I found this razor in the bathroom, and I guess for that reason I started cutting."

"How did you stop?"

"Well. It did go on for a year. One day papa said that he wanted to introduce me to his.. boyfriend, and his little kid called Alfred. I don't know what happened, but when I saw them together with you.. you guys looked like a little happy family, and I wanted to be a part of that. But then I felt like I couldn't, I felt like I was the reason mom died and papa was replacing mom, and when I saw you, I thought he was replacing me. I hated him so much that day, I hated Arthur, I hated you, I wanted everything to be gone, so I went to the bathroom, grabbed mom's pills that she used to take and took a large doze of them. I didn't remember anything them except Papa screaming and waking me up, but after that everything turned dark."

The younger blond looked saddened by the confession, and urged his brother to keep going

"Well, obviously, that didn't work out. I woke up in a hospital bed a day later. Apparently Arthur had called the ambulance since Papa was too scared and distracted to do that. So I guess I owe it to Arthur for my existence today. When I woke up papa hugged me so hard and I honestly don't think I'll ever see him cry more than he did that day. But one thing cheered me up then."

"What was it?"

"I remember that you sat on my bed, grabbed my hand and told me: 'I really want an older brother, please don't do that again.' And hugged me with your little chubby arms." Matthew chuckled, "It was really cute."

Alfred smiled sadly, chuckling slightly with Matthew. "Did that happen again?"

Matthew shook his head. "No, after that papa and Arthur took me to a psychiatrist. And surprise! I was diagnosed with depression. I started going to the doctor, I took antidepressants. But then I had you guys for support, and I'm getting better each day. I'm not completely treated yet, I don't I'll ever will, but I'm getting better. "

Alfred looked astonished at Matthew, "how come I never knew about that? All of that when you were my age?"

Matthew nodded. "You were 10, I don't think you had an idea of what's going on. And I took a distance away from you then, anyway."

"Wow, Dude, that's completely tragic!"

"Yes, it is! It was the worse part of my life and I'm still trying to forget about it."

"Sorry.." Alfred looked away bashfully.

"It's okay." Matthew patted Alfred's hair playfully. "Moral of the story. I was falling down a deep end then, but I submerged because of only thing, Family. When I lost mom I though everything was over, when I saw papa happy again I knew I wanted this happiness to last. So that's what we'll do now. We'll help Arthur remember us, truly us. He'll soon realise what dark pit he's ending up to and if we're lucky, everything will be back to the way it was."

Alfred suddenly hugged Matthew tightly, "You think so?" Alfred said hesitantly to his older brother, seeking comfort from him.

Physical affection was something rather rare among them, so Matthew was surprised. "Yeah."

Alfred removed himself from Matthew's grasp. He suddenly started chuckling. "Who knew you could be so deep, Matt?" He suddenly winced at the punch he received on his shoulder.

"Shut up! Why is no one ever taking me seriously when I'm being serious!"

"I'm just kidding! What got your panties in a twist?" Alfred frowned, rubbing his arm that got punched.

"It.. Nothing." Matthew thought about telling him, but he reconsidered since it was actually nothing in the first place. "I'm just over thinking things and it's giving me a headache."

"Wanna talk about it? Maybe you tell me and I'll tell you how much of a dumbass you are." Alfred joked and his brother glared at him.

Matthew unlocked his phone to check the time, but he forgotten that Alfred was right next to him. Alfred took a careless glance but the background picture grabbed his attention, he quickly snatched the phone and took a better look.

"Wait, who's that with you? You look kinda cozy there." Alfred looked like he discover something amazing and gasped. "Wait, is he you boyfriend? Didn't know you swing that way, bro! I'm not judging though, so don't worry."

"What? No!" Matthew spluttered in embarrassment, taking his phone back from Alfred. His face felt like burning. "He's not my boyfriend!"

"Oh? Why did you get so defensive, then? And what's with the blush? Wait, is he the one you're thinking about? Awh! Matty's having relationship problems! Like I told you earlier, I'll still council you, so tell doctor Alfred your problems and I'll -"

"Alfred! Shut up for a second!" Matthew snapped and Alfred recoiled back. "It's just.. Don't laugh at me, but.. I think I'm too clingy."

"Clingy?"

"Yeah."

Matthew ended up telling him everything, about how he met gilbert and the friendship they had these past couple months. Alfred hummed thoughtfully.

"I don't think you're clingy, you're just worrying. It's totally okay! And you shouldn't be sad over you guys' last meeting, he might have his own problems and doesn't want to burden you with them." Alfred advised him.

Matthew frowned. "But why would he burden me? I already told him mine and trusted him with it, doesn't he trust me as well?"

"Don't look at this from this way, Matt! Problems are different. His might be more troubling than yours and he's not comfortable telling them. Just don't urge him to tell you, with time he'll be comfortable enough to do so."

The older brother listened to his brother's words, seriously considering them. "I guess you're right, thanks Al. I appreciate your thoughtful advice." He smiled playfully.

"Don't mock me, man."

"I'm not, I swear!" Matthew laughed. Alfred stood up from the bed.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go sleep."

"Good night!"

"Night!" Alfred called back as he closed the door behind him. Matthew laid back on his bed and closed his eyes.

_'With time he'll be comfortable enough to tell you.'_

'I hope he does..' Matthew thought before going to sleep.

 

 

 

 


End file.
